Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
