I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
