Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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