just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
