Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
