i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Never underestimate the power of titties
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
