brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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