So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
