we have officially lost it.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
