Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
