no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
