Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
