In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have feelings that need drinking.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
