I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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