I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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