the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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