just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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