Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
