I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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