i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Alive.
So much puke
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
