I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
