If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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