i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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