U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She even gives head with a lisp.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
