ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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