I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
