you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
