then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
