I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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