Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
