ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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