You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
