Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
