I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Please don't give away my fajitas
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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