I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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