it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
