I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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