I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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