Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
