Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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