I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
