I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize