So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
