Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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