The best revenge is premature balding
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think a kid would responsible me up
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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