Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
