Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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