sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
