I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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