Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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