just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Terrible idea I love it
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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