i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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